As a Virgo sun, knowing that Virgo is the Virgin, I never really understood the connection. Virgos are traditionally known as neat freaks, detail-oriented, perfectionists, worriers...I didn't get where 'virgin' came in. I searched for more information about how the Virgo archetype related to being a virgin, but there wasn't much I could find. Most Virgo descriptions of sex painted the Virgo woman as being ultra-feminine and perhaps a bit restrained in her expression of sexuality, but I couldn't find much more.
It wasn't until years later when working with some powerful women that I uncovered the connection, and it wasn't what I expected.
Amanda Garcia Yates taught me that the Virgos were the priestesses. I found that fascinating and part of me was in disbelief - because I had been led to believe a much different picture of Virgo - but we didn't get too deep into it at that time.
Shortly after, when Tami Brunk read my birth chart, she took me deep with this concept, and I will share her teachings here. I am blending what I learned from her with my own research on this topic.
Let's look at the true history of the word "virgin" - and how it ties into the true meaning of the Virgo archetype.
The original defintion of Virgin means:
Note how different these definitions make you feel vs. the later definition of a virgin as someone who has not yet had sex. It is so interesting to see how words evolve and change over time! And while these statements have extra special meaning for women, they can apply to men too.
Historically, Virgins (Virgos) were the Priestesses in charge of the ceremonies. This is what the Virgo archetype was modeled after. Tami Brunk shared this with me as she read my chart:
Let's return to the phrase "she who is whole unto herself" - which struck me straight in the heart. Like, something I literally need to tattoo onto myself.
Why is it important to be "whole unto yourself"??? I think you probably have an idea why...
These reflections are for those of us who easily lose ourselves in others. For the empaths, the romantics, the givers, the helpers, the healers, and so on:
1) In relationships where you become too intertwined, it is easy to lose your identity. What makes you unique and special, separate from the other? Who are you, on your own? Think about this in relation to your significant other. To your children. To your family members. To anyone who you love deeply.
2) Losing your identity like this in a relationship is the road to codependency. When your energies become too blurred, it can be hard to separate yourself from the other person energetically. When they are happy, you are happy, when they are sad, you are sad. It's hard to live separately from them in your own energetic realm.
3) When your energies are so tied up in another person, your energy is continually leaking out towards that other person. Sometimes, the other person is a vampire (metaphorically!) who loves to suck your energy. But often times, the other person - lover, child, etc. - may feel smothered by your energy. (I have felt both smothered by others and have smothered other people...)
4) Pay great attention to energetic boundaries. Develop and respect your own boundaries, and respect the boundaries of others.
5) Learn to do the dance of union vs. separation, especially in romantic relationships. Allow yourself to love fully, with your whole heart, while also being able to pull away when appropriate in order to nurture yourself, and in order to respect the other person's boundaries. It's the ebb and flow, waxing and waning of a healthy relationship dynamic.
6) Don't think that pulling away happens only when you are mad at the person or punishing them. If that's the only time you pull away, question whether the relationship is codependent. Reframe your view of separation. Pulling away should be a natural, healthy thing that happens in order to respect the energetic boundaries of both parties. The push and pull of union vs. separation is key. Love flows freely between both people, but both parties are 'whole unto themselves' and are not dependent on the other person to complete them.
This can be VERY hard work for those of us who love others deeply. I am a romantic person who loves the concept of a soul mate. I know that I have come into this lifetime as a Virgo to learn the lessons I have just described. I must become whole unto myself, or else this lesson will continue to reappear in my life until I master it...
Related to all of this, I have looked at my tendency to put others (especially lovers) on a pedestal. These reflections may be useful for you, too, if you do this:
1) Remember that some do not WANT to be put there. They will feel overwhelmed by the love and attention and worship.
2) Ask yourself: why am I worshipping this other person so much? What do they have that is so worthy of that much love and attention? And why am I not able to give that much love and attention back to myself? Is it a feeling of being less than? A feeling that I am not as good as they are? A feeling that I lack that qualities that I am worshipping?
It really does create a huge imbalance, which leads to feelings of unworthiness in the person doing the idolizing. It can also lead to a reality where the other person DOES see themselves as better than you. This can very easily create an imbalance of giving and receiving, where one person is giving so much and not receiving much in return.
The other thing that happens when we idolize others is that we end up craving their love and attention. We imagine how we must reinvent ourselves in order to please them. So we end up disconnected from who we really are, trying to be somebody who we are not (AND also making the mistake of thinking that we know what they want us to be, which may not even be accurate.)
Back to that familiar lesson of balance...strive for the middle point between worshipping somebody and not caring at all. Love them, but also love yourself. Just as much.
Rupi Kaur poem:
i do not want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me
i want to be full on my own
i want to be so complete
i could light a whole city
i want to have you
cause the two of us combined
could set it on fire
It is only when we are truly authentic AND truly comfortable in our own skin that we will attract real love. Healthy love. Because you allow that person to love you for who you truly are (and vice versa). So strive for authenticity, true self-love, and being "whole unto yourself."
I wish you much luck on this journey - it is a work in progress, always!