The New Moon in Aquarius will be on Friday, January 24th at 1:42 pm (PST). This day is also Lunar Imbolc.
The man of my dreams is here and it's beyond anything that I have ever felt.
I can't really tell you this story properly without giving you some background info. I'm a 41 year old single mom to a 10 year old boy. We live in Los Angeles, where I've been for the past 13 years.
My divorce in 2017 was the single most difficult thing I have ever experienced emotionally. The two year period of time that led up to it (2014-16) was the darkest time of my life. We had been together for nearly 20 years. With a child together and a house we bought together, the ending of our marriage ripped the foundation of everything I thought was real right under my feet. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. Many days I did not know if I would be able to go on. The pain was excruciating, and it was the most devastating heartbreak I had ever felt.
But today I literally thank God every day for this experience. It required immense amounts of emotional resilience, courage, and perseverance, but turned out to be my single greatest blessing. Through the help of therapy and deeply reconnecting to my spiritual path, I was able to clearly see how broken our relationship had been, how low my self-worth was (I was settling for way less than I deserved, and was totally idolizing him), how disconnected I was from my intuition, and how utterly disempowering living in victim mode is.
At some point - I'm not sure exactly when - I became determined to become an expert in relationship dynamics and how to make sure this NEVER happened again.
I dove head first into learning about healthy relationships, healing my self-worth, and reconnecting deeply to my femininity. (My intuition guided me on that last part; I knew this side of me HAD to be healed, but didn't have a clue that it would lead me to where I am today.)
At the same time, I reconnected to my spirituality, which I had suppressed for years during my marriage due to it not being okay with him. Although any spiritual practice would have been unacceptable with his atheist upbringing, the fact that my type of spirituality is witchy and weird made it even more important to disown.
Thankfully, seeing clearly that I needed to claim my authenticity and become 100% myself without shame allowed me to delve back in to my witchy world of tarot, astrology, paganism, psychics, and all the other things.
It was the intersection of spirituality and femininity that has gotten me where I am today - deeply involved in women's work, the divine feminine, tantra, and sacred sexuality.
In the process of healing myself, along with the very necessary experience of dating for two years (which allowed me to refine exactly what I was looking for + test my self-worth), I became clear on certain skills and teachings that allowed me to attract healthy love.
What effortlessly flowed out of me was a program for women called Whole Heart, a 12 week curriculum to learn the inner and outer work of being in conscious relationship.
About six months after I created the program and had been taking women through it, my king arrived.
I firmly believe with 100% of my being that because of these principles, I was able to attract the man of my dreams.
About a month before we met, I had outlined all of the qualities that I desired in a partner in my journal. I had FOUR pages of requirements listed out.
When I went back and read it after just a week of us dating, he had met all of my criteria. I had already known that he was the one. It was absolutely mind blowing.
What I know now is that not only do you have to have a crystal clear idea of what you want and need in a partner, you have to BELIEVE that you are worthy of all of it.
Otherwise it will not work.
This is why quick fix manifestation strategies will fail unless you partner them with deeper work.
Writing a list to the universe of what you want is a very common strategy in law of attraction circles.
But you won't get what you ask for unless you are truly ready for it.
Now I'm in the deepest, most intimate, most connected relationship I have ever been in. Our connection is intensely physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual - and these are the four foundations that (for me) are non-negotiables in the kind of relationship that I want.
Our love is just getting started and we are ready to conquer the world.
My man gives me such deep, beautiful presence when we are together. He and I regularly experience incredibly blissful divine union by consciously playing with our polarities of masculine and feminine. He and I speak the same language, have the most amazing, mind blowing sex, love each other deeply, and are planning to travel the world together. I am literally the happiest and most fulfilled that I have ever been.
When I was writing that list in my journal, I didn't hold back. I put down every single quality that my heart desired, and I got it.
What I'm experiencing with him now is a depth that I have never known, and it's exactly what I had been yearning for. It's here now, I am grateful for him every single day, and I wish the same for you: 100%.
I absolutely LOVE talking about love, sex and relationships. It's literally an obsession of mine. If you are searching for healthy love, or if you're currently in a relationship but know something is lacking, I would love nothing more than to work with you. You deserve the best, and I'm not even kidding. Please read more about Whole Heart and reach out if you feel called. I currently have two openings as of January 2020 to work with women who wish to attract the man of their dreams.
I just got off the phone with a client and am in deep reflection mode about just how powerful the words that I speak are to those I serve. Every single response that I have towards what clients tell me has an influence on them, whether we are conscious of it. When speaking to clients about major life issues, such as when they are at a crossroads in their relationships, jobs, or whatever else, my words have the potential to have a huge impact on them. Whether it's comfortable to admit or not, this is power over another, and it's something I take VERY seriously. I always work consciously from a place of attempting to empower my clients rather than have them become dependent on me, but the basic nature of the therapist-client relationship is that they are depending on me on some level.
When giving a strong opinion to someone, even though we try to work from a place of having our clients' best interest in mind, we always need to be mindful of the impact that it may have on their life. What may have worked for us in our own lives, what may have worked for other clients, or simply what best practice is based on our training - none of this means that it is necessarily right for the other person. They ultimately need to make their own decisions and choices.
Some therapists are so intent on avoiding this dynamic so they minimize giving advice as much as possible. However, the essential therapist-client relationship is based on one person seeking help and the other person supporting, so it's never possible to completely avoid this power differential.
I am confident in my own skills and wisdom (and clearly market my offerings as such) that I am not someone who avoids giving advice if I really do feel that it has the potential to positively impact someone.
As an aside - I have spoken about this before, but this astrological shift from the age of Pisces to the age of Aquarius will see the end of hierarchical power structures and power differentials. Just how in the medical field we are seeing regular folks empowering themselves with their own health information and really questioning the validity of doctors, etc, the same thing should be happening in the field of mental health.
Certainly with the rise of the self-help movement, many of us are attempting to empower ourselves with the own skills that we need to be successful and happy human beings. However, I do believe that the role of the therapist is still useful and relevant right now. We all need support sometimes, and it's not always possible to get through certain things on our own. Seeking support from others is not a weakness. Even if we feel really strong and empowered, it's still difficult to see outside of ourselves from a neutral perspective, without all of our conditioning.
With that being said, I wish to encourage those who are therapists to 1) consistently reflect on the power that they have in changing the lives of clients, 2) always work from a place of empowering others to the best of their ability, and 3) constantly be doing their own work on themselves.
And honestly, I have to say this really clearly - it worries me that just anyone can become a 'coach' these days. While on the one hand I think it's great that so many people have a desire to help others, without proper psychological training, individuals working in this capacity may unintentionally be harming people. Even the best coaching programs I've looked at just do not have the depth of training that psychologists have to go through.
Psychology is not perfect. There is a lot that's still broken in the field, and part of the reason that I've expanded my transformational tools way outside of the box of psychology is because traditional therapy alone does not have all the answers. HOWEVER, I did go through years of training, practicums, and internships before I was even allowed to practice, and I do think that having standards, regulations, and specific ethical training is essential before working with others. Again, it comes back to the realization of just how much influence and power we have over other people when working in this capacity.
Ultimately, it's up to the client to decide who they want to work with - but at least from my perspective, I've been trained to take what I do very seriously.
With all of that being said, I fully acknowledge that there are some bad psychologists out there and some really amazing coaches. I am not trying to bad mouth coaches, but what I share above is a legitimate worry of mine.
Ultimately, I leave it up to the client to trust their own intuition. While it's important for therapists, coaches, etc. to always check themselves in terms of how they practice, it's equally important for clients to choose to work with people who make them feel supported, comfortable, and who are actually helping them achieve their goals, and find someone else if this is not happening.
I'm really interested to hear what you have to say about the power of therapists, coaches, etc. Have you worked with someone who has had an amazing, powerful impact on your life? Or conversely, have you worked with someone who negatively impacted you? I would love to hear in the comments below!
As connected as I am to the moon, I honestly don't always celebrate each and every new and full moon. It depends on how busy things are and how connected I feel to the sign the moon is in.
But this Full Moon in Libra is one that I'm really looking forward to, and I wanted to share a ritual that I will be doing, in case it calls to you too. It was inspired by Danielle Blackwood in her book The Twelve Faces of the Goddess. The moon will be full at 4:12 am (PST) on Friday, April 19, so I plan to do the ritual the evening before.
Libra is ruled by Venus, also known as Aphrodite, and this ritual is meant to purify and regenerate our relationship with our bodies and sensual selves. The intention is to deepen into self-love by releasing any body shame so that we can fully step into the most confident version of ourselves.
There are two parts to this: the creation of the bath salts, and the ritual bath.
Part One: Aphrodite's Bath Salts
Gather the following ingredients:
I created mine this morning - look how pretty!
Part Two: Ritual Bath
You will prepare sacred space in your bathroom and use the bath salts to create a ritual bath to connect with Aphrodite and ask for her assistance in aligning with your intention.
Before beginning, cleanse the space (clean the tub if necessary, remove clutter, etc.) and use sage to energetically clear the room.
(Note on sage - I prefer to open the windows when I burn sage in order for the smoke to leave, as I envision the smoke carrying away any negative energies.)
Put on some music that will put you into a light trance (I like drumming for this - here's a good one to use, or just search for trance drumming on YouTube.)
When the room feels good to you, set up a small altar to Aphrodite. Items can include the colors of pink and green, roses, seashells, rose quartz, chocolate, red wine, images of Venus/Aphrodite, etc. (Don't feel like you have to use all of these items - it doesn't have to be huge.) Also place your bath salts here along with a candle.
Turn off the lights and light the candle. Begin filling up the tub with warm water. Allow yourself to connect to the music and get into a light trance through movement or swaying.
Take a moment to connect with your intention, whatever it was that you defined when creating your bath salts.
Identify anything that is getting in the way of that intention, whether it be limiting beliefs, old family/cultural conditioning, specific experiences, etc. Don't overthink it, just identify what comes to mind first. Speak aloud your intention to release these barriers: "I now release ____________________________________." Feel them energetically being lifted from you.
Take the bath salts and pour them into the tub. Enter into the water with the intention of being purified and cleansed of anything that no longer serves you. Align with the energy of Aphrodite and embody full self-love, enjoying the sensual pleasure of the bath: the feel of the water on your skin, the beautiful smells, the relaxation and music.
When you feel complete, give thanks to the goddess and empty the tub. Turn off the music and allow yourself to come back to the present moment. Dry yourself off, feeling beautiful and confident. Put on a bathrobe or clothes that feel really good on your skin. Look at yourself in the mirror with pure self-love and adoration.
I hope you enjoy this ritual! Let me know if you end up using it, I'd love to hear. You're also free to skip the ritual and just create the bath salts for use whenever you like, they are very beautiful.
As a Virgo sun, knowing that this archetype is associated with the Virgin, I wanted to know more about the connection. I searched for more information, but there wasn't much I could find. Most Virgo descriptions of sexuality painted the Virgo woman as being ultra-feminine and perhaps a bit restrained in her expression of pleasure, but I couldn't find much more.
It wasn't until years later when working with some powerful women that I uncovered the connection, and it wasn't what I expected.
Amanda Garcia Yates taught me that the Virgos were the priestesses. I found that fascinating and part of me was in disbelief - because I had been led to believe a much different picture of Virgo - but we didn't get too deep into it at that time.
Shortly after, when Tami Brunk read my birth chart, she took me deep with this concept, and I will share her teachings here. I am blending what I learned from her with my own research on this topic.
Let's look at the true history of the word "virgin" - and how it ties into the true meaning of the Virgo archetype.
The original defintion of Virgin means:
Note how different these definitions make you feel vs. the later definition of a virgin as someone who has not yet had sex. It is so interesting to see how words evolve and change over time! And while these statements have extra special meaning for women, they can apply to men too.
Historically, Virgins (Virgos) were the Priestesses in charge of the ceremonies. This is what the Virgo archetype was modeled after. Tami Brunk shared this with me as she read my chart:
Let's return to the phrase "she who is whole unto herself" - which struck me straight in the heart. Like, something I literally need to tattoo onto myself.
Why is it important to be "whole unto yourself"??? I think you probably have an idea why...
These reflections are for those of us who easily lose ourselves in others. For the empaths, the romantics, the givers, the helpers, the healers, and so on:
1) In relationships where you become too intertwined, it is easy to lose your identity. What makes you unique and special, separate from the other? Who are you, on your own? Think about this in relation to your significant other. To your children. To your family members. To anyone who you love deeply.
2) Losing your identity like this in a relationship is the road to codependency. When your energies become too blurred, it can be hard to separate yourself from the other person energetically. When they are happy, you are happy, when they are sad, you are sad. It's hard to live separately from them in your own energetic realm.
3) When your energies are so tied up in another person, your energy is continually leaking out towards that other person. Sometimes, the other person is a vampire (metaphorically!) who loves to suck your energy. But often times, the other person - lover, child, etc. - may feel smothered by your energy. (I have felt both smothered by others and have smothered other people...)
4) Pay great attention to energetic boundaries. Develop and respect your own boundaries, and respect the boundaries of others.
5) Learn to do the dance of union vs. separation, especially in romantic relationships. Allow yourself to love fully, with your whole heart, while also being able to pull away when appropriate in order to nurture yourself, and in order to respect the other person's boundaries. It's the ebb and flow, waxing and waning of a healthy relationship dynamic.
6) Don't think that pulling away happens only when you are mad at the person or punishing them. If that's the only time you pull away, question whether the relationship is codependent. Reframe your view of separation. Pulling away should be a natural, healthy thing that happens in order to respect the energetic boundaries of both parties. The push and pull of union vs. separation is key. Love flows freely between both people, but both parties are 'whole unto themselves' and are not dependent on the other person to complete them.
This can be VERY hard work for those of us who love others deeply. I am a romantic person who loves the concept of a soul mate. I know that I have come into this lifetime as a Virgo to learn the lessons I have just described. I must become whole unto myself, or else this lesson will continue to reappear in my life until I master it...
Related to all of this, I have looked at my tendency to put others (especially lovers) on a pedestal. These reflections may be useful for you, too, if you do this:
1) Remember that some do not WANT to be put there. They will feel overwhelmed by the love and attention and worship.
2) Ask yourself: why am I worshipping this other person so much? What do they have that is so worthy of that much love and attention? And why am I not able to give that much love and attention back to myself? Is it a feeling of being less than? A feeling that I am not as good as they are? A feeling that I lack that qualities that I am worshipping?
It really does create a huge imbalance, which leads to feelings of unworthiness in the person doing the idolizing. It can also lead to a reality where the other person DOES see themselves as better than you. This can very easily create an imbalance of giving and receiving, where one person is giving so much and not receiving much in return.
The other thing that happens when we idolize others is that we end up craving their love and attention. We imagine how we must reinvent ourselves in order to please them. So we end up disconnected from who we really are, trying to be somebody who we are not (AND also making the mistake of thinking that we know what they want us to be, which may not even be accurate.)
Back to that familiar lesson of balance...strive for the middle point between worshipping somebody and not caring at all. Love them, but also love yourself. Just as much.
Rupi Kaur poem:
i do not want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me
i want to be full on my own
i want to be so complete
i could light a whole city
i want to have you
cause the two of us combined
could set it on fire
It is only when we are truly authentic AND truly comfortable in our own skin that we will attract real love. Healthy love. Because you allow that person to love you for who you truly are (and vice versa). So strive for authenticity, true self-love, and being "whole unto yourself."
I wish you much luck on this journey - it is a work in progress, always!
Hi! I'm Leigh-Anne. I'm a psychologist in Los Angeles who believes in perfect health through balancing the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual domains. My work is geared towards women who wish to connect to deep intimacy and pleasure with themselves and their partners.